Read & Grin!

One Tough Marine
A former Sergeant, having served his time with the Marine Corps,
took a new job as a school teacher, but just before the school
year started he injured his back.
He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part
of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and
wasn't noticeable.
On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the
toughest students in the school. The smart alec punks, having
already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery
of him and decided to see how tough he really was before trying any pranks.
Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher
opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a
strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and
promptly stapled the tie to his chest. ...Dead silence...
He had no trouble with discipline that year. SEMPER FI!

Back in September of 2005, on the first day of school, Martha Cothren, a social studies school teacher at Robinson High School in Little Rock, did something not to be forgotten.
On the first day of school, with the permission of the school superintendent, the principal and the building supervisor, she removed all of the desks out of her classroom.
When the first period kids entered the room they discovered that there were no desks.
Looking around, confused, they asked, "Ms. Cothren, where're our desks?"
She replied, "You can't have a desk until you tell me what you have done to earn the right to sit at a desk."
They thought, "Well, maybe it's our grades."
"No," she said.
Maybe it's our behavior."
She told them, "No, it's not even your behavior.
And so, they came and went, the first period, second period, third period. Still no desks in the classroom.
By early afternoon television news crews had started gathering in Ms. Cothren's classroom to report about this crazy teacher who had taken all the desks out of her room.
The final period of the day came and as the puzzled students found seats on the floor of the deskless classroom.
Martha Cothren said, "Throughout the day no one has been able to tell me just what he/she has done to earn the right to sit at the desks that are ordinarily found in this classroom. Now I am going to tell you."
At this point, Martha Cothren went over to the door of her classroom and opened it.
Twenty-seven (27) U.S. Veterans, all in uniforms, walked into that classroom, each one carrying a school desk. The Vets began placing the school desks in rows, and then they would walk over and stand alongside the wall.
By the time the last soldier had set the final desk in place those kids started to understand, perhaps for the first time in their lives, just how the right to sit at those desks had been earned.
Martha said, "You didn't earn the right to sit at these desks. These heroes did it for you. They placed the desks here for you. Now, it's up to you to sit in them. It is your responsibility to learn, to be good students, to be good citizens. They paid the price so that you could have the freedom to get an education. Don't ever forget it."
By the way, this is a true story.... If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you read it in English, thank a soldier.
(Now at San Diego Marine Corps recruit training)
Dear Ma and Pa,
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.
Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc, but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by two city boys that live on coffee.. Their food plus yours holds you til noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.
We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
The country is nice but awful flat. The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake . I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter,
Special Forces & the Teliban
A large group of Taliban soldiers were moving down a road when they heard a voice call from behind a sand dune. "ONE U.S. SPECIAL FORCES SOLDIER IS BETTER THAN TEN TALIBAN".
The Taliban commander quickly sends ten of his best fighters over the dune whereupon a gun battle breaks out, continues for a few minutes... then silence.
Furious, the Taliban commander sends out his next best 100 fighters over the dune & instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The American voice calls once again "ONE U.S. SOLDIER IS BETTER THAN ONE THOUSAND TALIBAN".
The enraged Taliban leader musters one thousand fighters & sends them across the dune. Cannons, rockets & machine guns ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.
Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune & with his dying words tells his commander...
New Ensign
A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men and soon, the ship had left port and was streaming out of the channel.
The ensign's efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way. The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain.
He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more surprised when he read, "My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules -- make sure the captain is aboard before getting under way."
This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation of a U. S. naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10-10-95.
Americans: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision."
Canadians: "Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision."
Americans: "This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, DIVERT YOUR course."
Canadians: "No. I say again, you divert YOUR course."
Americans: "This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers, and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north...that's one-five-degrees North, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship."
Canadians: "This is a lighthouse. Your call."
A Different Spin
A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington , D.C. when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, in full view of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back and lets go of the girl. The biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.
A reporter has witnessed the entire event.
The reporter says, "Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life."
The Harley rider replies, "Why, it was nothing really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right."
The reporter says, "Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and this story will be on the front page of tomorrow's paper. So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?"
The biker replies, "I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican."
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions.
He reads on the front page:
" U.S. Marine Assaults African Immigrant and Steals His Lunch"

The U.S.S. Constitution (“Old Ironsides”), as a combat vessel, carried
48,600 gallons of fresh water for her crew of 475 officers and men.
This was sufficient to last six months of sustained operations at sea.
She carried no evaporators (i.e. fresh water distillers).
According to her ship’s log….
“On July 27, 1798, the U.S.S. Constitution sailed from Boston with a full complement of 475 officers and men,
48,600 gallons of fresh water,
7,400 cannon shot,
11,600 pounds of black powder and
49,400 gallons of rum.”
Her mission: “To destroy and harass English shipping.”
Making Jamaica on 6 October, she took on
826 pounds of flour and 38,300 gallons of rum.
Then she headed for the Azores , arriving there 12 November..
She provisioned with 550 pounds of beef and 14,300 gallons of Portuguese wine.
On 18 November, she set sail for England .
In the ensuing days she defeated five British men-of-war ships,
and captured and scuttled 12 English merchant ships,
salvaging only the rum aboard each.
By 26 January, her powder and shot were exhausted.
Nevertheless, although unarmed she made a night raid up the Firth of Clyde in Scotland ..
Her landing party captured a whisky distillery and transferred
20,000 gallons of single malt Scotch aboard by dawn.
Then she headed home.
The U. S. S. Constitution arrived in Boston Harbor on 20 February 1799,
with no cannon shot,
no food,
no powder,
no rum,
no wine,
no whisky,
and 48,600 gallons of water.

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